I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
