if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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