yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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