i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
