i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize