I am puke
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
