I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
