we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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