I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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