The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
