if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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