I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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