worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
