sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
