just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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