im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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