Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize