Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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