you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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