U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
