i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I don't deserve a penis
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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