Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
