Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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