Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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