DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
