I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
