the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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