also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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