His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
my shit smells like andre
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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