So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
