he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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