I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
