Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
3pm strippers are depressing
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
