We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
