peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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