Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
