Please, let me fuck your mom
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
