Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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