Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
