so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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