Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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