It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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