Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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