The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
