just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
