Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize