its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
