You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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