FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
