Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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