She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize