when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
