I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
