I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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