Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
