No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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