I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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