I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
