We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
