if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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