is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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