So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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