you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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