well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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